I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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