sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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