All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
