Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
