oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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