We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
