girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
