She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
