What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
