We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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