Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
