You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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