Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
