Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
