you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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