lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
