i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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