Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
