Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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