At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
