I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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