Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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