you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
