Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
