Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
