a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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