So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
