The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
