omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
