Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
