I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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