i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
