party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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