There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
