he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
