What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
