who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
