dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
