my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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