why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
