My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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