onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
