I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
