wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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