Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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