I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
