Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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