That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
