Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
