Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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