Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
