sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
