he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
