Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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